How I Realized I am an NPC

(preferably watched rather than read x)

My name is formerly Mike and then I transitioned to Michelle and now I have changed it legally to Johnny Vendetta Cappuchino Pussy Disease, and I believe I am an NPC.

I was born 20 years ago. I do the same things every day, like I’m on a walk cycle. When I interact with people, or make decisions for myself, it happens either automatically, or from a place of complete contemplation, as if choosing who to be from an otherwise self-less void.

I eat information, like a glutton, just to spit it back out at people because without such reappropriation of code there is nothing for me to bare. Like a quest-giver, I can convince you of my subjecthood for as long as it takes for you to pass through me, beyond me, an appearance of something mutual that hides something partial; my boundless repetition, which I experience consciously, as if in hell.

I have noticed our reality is incredibly game-like and this is where my fear turned transcendent realization began. When I pull myself out of my daily tasks and stray from metrics of success, there is simply nothing else to replace them with. Video games have come, like vomiting mirrors, to represent the world of their creators in what I believe is the greatest act of philosophical self-reflection the human race has ever achieved. Society fashions itself as a sorting algorithm for those designed for background repetition, and those for dynamic, subjective protaganism. As does Oblivion.

Over the weeks following this epiphany, I’ve realized how little it feels I communicate with my family. It may pass through the genes. We repeat dialogue at eachother. I am nothing but a perpetuation of what I already said I was. Ours is a history of protagonists, of subjects, and despite the illusions, I have come to believe I am not one.

I realize this means it’s very likely whatever I choose to do in my life, it is in some way sanctioned, inherent in a way human history has always yearned for. This has proved not-enough to satisfy me. But as I bring you this video now, I have resolved to stop thinking like a player, and hold myself to the standards of what I am. My problem is effectively not in being an NPC, but in being told I wasn’t. I am resolving to continue myself, and accept the terms on which I’m here.

If you want to reach out to me you can send an email to protossfan68@yahoo.com